meetFred.com

I stole most of this

Posted 8th June 2007, early afternoon

I stole this from BitterBoom Artist Solutions and modified it to suit me. Keep in mind, most of this is written tongue-in-cheek because the only thing I really provide is the "hotel service" and everything I write in that section is 100% true. Ask Stand Your Ground, Neocracy and whatever other bands have stayed at the Trippy Hippie Hotel.

Hello to all of our new friends!

After very little discussion between us, (meaning me, myself, and I) we have come up with a brief set of introductory terms for our contract when booking shows.

Firm Bookings: $50/show
Stand-In Merch Person: $30/show
Stand-In Roadie/Equipment wench: $30/show (This babe don't mess with plugs/wiring/other risks of electric shock and/or fire)

20% non-refundable deposit required for services. We accept cash and cash only. These are introductory rates and are subject to change at any time, depending on how much we like you and whether or not our kids (there are 8 of them) think you are cool.

We provide a list of the one single amazing venue on which we are concentrating our efforts (Gathering Grounds). If you choose us to provide services, we will have you sign your souls away on whatever pieces of paper we can find (probably something I printed off on the back of one of the 50 million 2002 Battle of The Band posters that were rife with errors).

*These fees are ONLY applicable to the bands that request our services. If we ask you to perform alongside one of our bands, you are exempt from any payments. Unless you want to give us your money. We will also accept a running vehicle capable of transporting 1 adult and the six children who still live at home. Giving one of our children a CD or t-shirt is certainly worth some suck-up point and will be considered on a case-by-case basis.

If we're too expensive, don't be discouraged. We love to barter. (Remember the aforementioned vehicle?) All we want to do is get the music out there and bless people as we have been blessed, while slowly gaining control of the universe. (With 8 children who adore me and obey without question, I CAN do this.)

I also offer hotel service (The home I share with my six children who are too young to excape) for out of town bands, which includes a nice cool (some have said "freezing") concrete floor to sleep on, warm water to bathe in (as long as nobody showers too long), junky cereal for breakfast, God only knows for lunch/dinner/snacks, and a resident cat to negatively affect your allergies. His name is Danny and he thinks we are his staff. Don't upset the delicate balance of power please.
I also just recently came across the post-it note on which I wrote the password to my wireless home network. If you have a laptop with a wireless card I can have you on the internet superhighway within moments. Sometimes, I'll even make coffee.

If I happen to have a child at camp, a sleep-over, or spending the night with their father I will even have a room or two complete with beds. (Illia and Despondency lucked out this weekend...several kids have over-night plans)

Let me enlighten you...if you come from a home with only one or two siblings....we moms of minions define a clean house a little differently than you may. You aren't going to come away with parasites or a disease but you'll need to watch for skates and marbles on the steps and guard your tongue if you step on a Lego in the late-night darkness on the way to the bathroom. Should you need to do a load of wash, you'll find the washing machine in the basement to the right of Mt. St. Laundry and directly behind Mt. Washmore. Move about with caution. Avalanches are not unheard of.
If you write "clean me" in the dust on our entertainment center, a note will be attached to your permanent record. You don't want this.
Also, please make yourself at home if you are staying with us. We don't wait on the kids. We're not waiting on you. If you want a snack just rummage through the cabinets like the rest of us do.
And one more thing, the dishwasher isn't fool-proof. Check the bottom of your cup before your pour your drink. If you should find sediment AFTER you have drained the glass don't be too upset because the water in the dishwasher gets super hot and the detergent has bleach in it so, although you may have swallowed some dirt, it was sterile dirt.
Contact Cindy for further details.
Much love and many blessings,
Cindy

1 Comment

Posted by BlazinBands, 4 days, 1 hour after the fact (Report user)

looking vaguely familiar....

I WON! I have the Best Mess!

Posted 31st January 2008, mid-afternoon

I submitted a photo of my studio to the Dayton Daily News Best Mess contest. They chose the 8 best messes from all the entries & ran a poll to determine the winner. I WON! I get a whole house cleaning...

2 Comments | Read more...